Okay, so this is me postponing impending bedtime. It's not so much the getting-sleep thing... it's the turn-off-the-computer, go-to-the-bathroom-nightly-ritual, change-into-my-pj's, find-my-bed-under-all-the-junk, hunt-down-my-remote-so-I-can-find-some-stupid-TV-show-to-occupy-my-brain, get-comfortable kind of thing that just the plain thought of drains every last ounce of energy from me.
So. Kinda left myself hanging with the last entry. I really did have a mini-mental breakdown though. You know me, I bottle things up until all the pressure builds up and the cap comes flying off, making this huge mess of emotions. Last Monday was when my dad confused himself with this Monday, when my shift changes to an hour later... so I ended up sleeping in an hour and knew I wouldn't be able to humanly make it to work even pitifully on time. I only noticed this when I got out of the tub of course, being half-asleep and all. So I cried my eyes out, and being pregnant and hormonal, it kinda got out of hand and I couldn't really breathe anymore. Kids were locked out of summer fun day camp and my house got invaded by phone calls from the bosses. Not too fun. But then when I went back to work on Tuesday, I finally told one of the aforementioned bosses about my being pregnant and blamed it all on morning sickness. I think I'm better now, or as close to better as a fucked-up Marie can get.
I started up counselling again too, though I'm sure I can't even squeeze it into my schedule anymore with the shift change. Too bad because I really am getting messed up again. It was at this counselling session, though, that I brang my dad in and got my counsellor to tell him about my expecting a child. What. A. Relief. I swear, 3000lbs lifted off my shoulders. He had a card for me and everything. I mean, he said he's going to be a PROUD grandpa. He scares me sometimes. He wants me to switch to another room because I'll need the extra space. And even though I can get my own apartment, it might be nice to just stay here because it'll be good that I get help; especially during the nights. Ooohs and Awwws are heard from his mouth when he sees baby stuff on TV. Stuff like this coming out of my dad's mouth. I had a doctor's appointment this morning and when I was bringing my ultrasound requisition down to diagnostic imaging, he was all like "and then you'll have pictures?" to which he followed with "oh, that's cool!". This is really going to take some getting used to.
But yeah, I saw my doctor this morning. A mere THREE weeks and I finally get my ultrasound. Three weeks and I might hopefully know if this kid I'm carrying is my son or daughter. Open-leg vibes, this way. Oh, I also recorded the baby's heartbeat this time too. The doppler and my recorder kinda had a little squabble but for the most part it's an amazing thing. I'm not sure how nice Geocities is with linking, so here's a link, and if that doesn't work, just copy and paste this: http://www.geocities.com/canadianbabs/heartbeat.wav
My cousin and his girlfriend are leaving for Switzerland on Thursday morning. To tell you the truth, I can't wait to get my house back. That makes a whole new entry, but man, I wanted to kick Sandra in the butt tonight. It was late and everyone'd decided on going out for supper. My cousin suggested Chinese food, which sounded great to me because I've been puking all weekend and the thought of greasy food just turned my stomach. Apparently, his girlfriend didn't want Chinese food but he convinced her to agree. We got there, and first she wouldn't even come in, almost in tears. She sulked like a four-year-old the whole time we were there. She picked at her food. She wouldn't talk. She quitely whined. I mean, she does nothing. All. Day. Long. I work full-time with a swarm of bratty kids. I come home, do more work around the house, have no life whatsoever. I'm pregnant and SEVERELY hormonal. It'd be more suitable to have that kind of behavior coming from me, no? Ugh.
Midnight. Work in the morning. Going to bed seems like the hugest chore in the world at the moment.
Flarey-sleeved baby tee, yoga pants, butterfly socks
I'm listening to:
The hum of my fan
There's way too much going on right now