did anyone else forget it was father's day today? please sign my guestbook and say so because i don't want to be the only jerk around here.

i was up late last night... after 4 a.m.? i don't know, but i was having this kick-ass dream and i did NOT wanna wake up from it so i slept until 3:00. when i woke up, i heard my dad talking on the phone to my sister... "you know, it IS father's day, you can behave for once". or something. oh shit! father's day! i heard that he was going to the jail to visit someone so i waited for him to leave, and then got on my computer. i made him a father's day card with this cute lil squirrel on it. i always make him cute cards because he lives in the past like we all do. then i made him this "most important person" certificate with ribbons and badges on it. he came home, i greeted him with a hug and a "happy father's day", and hoped he didn't mind that i slept through half of it. of course he didn't, i'm his little girl!

he's gone back to some aboriginal day celebration, and you ask "why are you not there with him on father's day?". well, i refuse to go there because i'd applied for the job of co-ordinator for that whole thing... and they didn't even have the decency to give me an interview or even call or write me to even TELL ME they weren't going to. no nothing. waste of my time. so, i'm not going. i'll be a kick-ass daughter when he comes home, but i'm not going over there. dad says we're having pizza for dinner, and i'm wondering if that was the kids' idea and not his. pizza isn't exactly the classiest thing, but dad likes it so i guess it's not the end of the world.

anyway, my dream. i'll tell you the other one i had first. i was living with... my dad? i can't remember the whole plot of things, but i knew i was feeling kinda grungy... all dizzy and weak and sick and BLAH. for some reason, i got some tests taken. and when i was having a great time, wherever... they got the test results back and found out i had cancer. end of the world! only, it wasn't an early detection or anything that could be cured. and it had progressed so much that it spread throughout my whole body and i was told that treatments wouldn't even work and i would die soon. i don't think they were even going to bother putting me on meds. it was crazy scary! it was so real... i remember getting the diagnosis and feeling even worse, physically... like knowing what was wrong made the symptoms worse. i remember telling a few people and wanting to cry my eyes out. then i was at merrill's with her two kids, keegan and kenny, and her boyfriend. she has three kids in real life, but i somehow travelled back in time to when she only had the boys and they were younger. they had this cool apartment that i really can't explain, but she had this kick-ass bathroom with a jacuzzi, and a urinal and a whole bunch of other things i can't remember... then she made me babysit her kids at a park, and i was talking to a friend while i watched them play. i sent keegan to this outhouse (remember, this is a dream!) to go pee, and he was taking forever. merrill came back and asked where he was. i said he was in the outhouse, and then he came out shirtless, and his right upper arm was broken right in half, just dangling (like my shoukder was when i got hit by the car). i was horrified and merrill wanted to kill me (which in reality, her little daughter got a broken hip when she was just a little baby). i told her that i was watching them play and he hadn't fell or anything, and that i hadn't laid a finger on him. she started bitching me out, and i was still in shock over my whole cancer news. so when i couldn't take it anymore, i told her that i had cancer and i was going to die... just for pity and to make her stop yelling at me! haha. it worked though.

so that was what i could remember of my first dream... i told dad about it and he said that it wasn't funny and that i should "check myself" all the time to make sure it didn't happen to me. haha.

my other dream kicked ass though, and that's why i slept through father's day. so... i was back in fredericton, on campus. but i was living on campus in one of the residences, and it was nothing like in real life. i was doing a bunch of stuff in there, but i can only remember the parts outside of residence. lisa-marie came and picked me up, and we went looking for crushgirl (wowee!), it was raining outside, all yucky and stuff. eventually we found her, walking with an umbrella (like she does in real life when it rains). we met up, and decided it was too gross to walk and waited for the bus. we were sitting on the edge of the campus parking lot, talking like we were all best buds. the bus came along and we just got on... i was thinking, "i don't have any money, i don't have any money!" but we just walked on and i asked why the driver was letting us on without fare. crushgirl informed me that on crap rainy days the bus is free (wish that was real!). haha. anyway, there was lots of space on the bus, but we all stood in the middle and held onto the bars... weird. then we got off at the mall, but not like the one that's in fredericton. somehow, i lost lisa-marie and crushgirl, but they figured i'd know where to go and i DID find them. we were in this weird dance/hangout room, with black lights and strobe lights and black walls and floors... it was really club-like. we went to a table in the back, where we met up with a bunch of guys we didn't even know. we all lit up cigarettes (i only did so because crushgirl gave me one and i'd do anything to impress her, even though i quit smoking months earlier)... this guy that was sitting across from me said smoking was dumb, and i agreed.. with the cigarette in my hand! what an idiot. anyway, we were all talking, and all of a sudden crushgirl was missing, and i left the room to go looking for her. as soon as i got out of the room, we were (what?) in one of the buildings on campus and there were professors all around. i asked them if they knew where she was, and they didn't. i was having a heart attack! i found her eventually, and that's when i woke up.

i left a lot of detail from both dreams but i'm too lazy to type it all out. but weird, no?

my diary got 166 hits yesterday. sweet! i don't mind if this keeps up. someone also tried getting to my diary from another site and they got blocked by "adsubtract". what the hell is that? and what the hell do i have on my diary that it needs to be blocked? i don't know. and just MINUTES after i submitted my university survey, one girl completed it. but you know what's crazy? she goes/went to my university! what's the probability of something like that happening? if she read up about it on my diary, she would have mentioned it, but she didn't. i'd like to reach her and find out who she is, but she doesn't have a guestbook or anywhere for me to e-mail her... no profile, and only one entry that was writen in march. freaky.

anyway, i have a feeling my dad's going to be home soon, so i'm going to hop in the shower and wake up properly.

i hope i don't have cancer!

I'm wearing: crushed velvet pj's
I'm listening to: daddy's getting married *bif naked*
I'm thinking: i'm a crap daughter