Well, it's been too long since I came on here. I knew that things were going a bit too smoothly for my life... I haven't been around for quite a while because I swear I'm just going to hear one more shitty thing and it's just going to kill me. Just you wait.

The government's garnishing $250 off every pension cheque my dad gets. You know how much that leaves us? 650 fucking dollars a month. How does a family of four live off of that? All because my mother is a lying bitch. My dad switched the baby bonus cheques over to his name since my mother's been away for a few years now and was taking all the money for herself (which she has done all our lives). $2,500 later, she complains to them saying she's been taking care of us all this time. BULLSHIT. With all the proof my dad gave them, they believed my mother instead and gave her that lump sum and have been fighting with my dad to get it from him. I'll bet you that every cent of that money went to booze. Stupid drunk. She's starving to death right now because she has no money, but she brought it upon herself.

I also may have a fractured skull. It's a dumb story, but it happened. One of my brother's friends came over two days ago, but my brother was doing homework so he couldn't go out. Well, my dog got oh so excited with energy that you wouldn't BELIEVE he has. He's strong. Anyway, he wanted to go out and see Leslie, my brother's friend. I let him out on his chain, but it got wrapped around the bottom of the door so I couldn't close it. I bent down to let it loose when my dog tried to reach Leslie... and he pulled so damn hard that he slammed the door into my head. Hard. Things got kind of fuzzy around then; I only remember holding my head and screaming. I haven't gone to the hospital despite all the pain. The huge lumps on either side of my head aren't subsiding, and neither is the pain. My poor head feels kind of fragile so I figure I'll end up in the hospital anyway, even if it's for painkillers which would help me out so much right now. But, I'm sort of on strike with the hospital. It's been over two weeks since I was supposed to have my ultrasound and I still haven't gotten a call about rescheduling. Does everyone over there have their fingers stuck up their asses? Geez.

Then I got a lovely invoice in the mail today. Remember all the trouble I went through last year trying to convince my school sponsor that I didn't pass all my courses due to getting hit by a fucking car? All the trouble I went through supplying documents (which were way too expensive) and letters and receipts to prove all the hell I went through... stupid appeal. All the frustration and anger and tears that I went through, even having to deal with it on my Europe vacation. Remember how in the end, they just threw my appeal away and decided to grant me a medical drop instead? I was cleared of the $6,000 bill they were trying to idiotically dump on me. Well, guess what? They fucking tell me that I still owe it to them! I'm so sick of dealing with all this shit. I know these kinds of obstacles are what keep me going, but just give me a fucking break once in a while!

My dad also got a letter describing Miranda's disintegrating behavior and lack of attendace at school. We know she's been skipping school a lot, but everyone's starting to get involved and no one can seem to open her eyes and show her how she's fucking up. She was actually home on Thursday, after one of her exams. By Friday morning, she had stolen money from my dad and ran away again. We couldn't find her, her friends couldn't find her, not even the police. We got a call tonight from someone saying they knew where she was and to go and pick her up because she was piss drunk. My dad went over there and couldn't find her at first, but he knew she was there so he hunted her down. She was hiding under the basement stairs, huddled in the corner. Apparently, the kids over there got her really drunk and beat her up. Then one of the guys raped her, and she went hiding after that. My dad took her to the hospital where they found bruises, scratches and scars all over her body, and forced a few different pills into her. She came home, still quite drunk and reeking of beer. She has to take a morning-after pill in about five hours, and then my dad's taking her to the police station so they can document everything that happened between yesterday and today.

I really don't know what we're going to do with that girl. She's only 16! She acts like she's okay, but she got to be feeling something deep inside her head where no one's allowed to see. She brings this upon herself... but why? We've warned her SO damned many times. We've tried to keep her away from the troublemakers. She knows we're only trying to keep her safe, but why does she make us the bad people in the end? She could have been seriously hurt. She could have std's or aids. She could be pregnant, but that's why she has the morning-after pill. I don't really know much about anything right now; Miranda was still awake, as well as my 12 year-old brother. I don't know where she was, who she was with, who raped her, nothing. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. I'm scared for that girl; I really don't see her ever being mature enough to know right from wrong. I don't see her ever living a normal life, or even being able to live on her own.

So I want everyone to know this: pregnant women shouldn't have a SINGLE drink at any point in their pregnancy. There's no safe amount, and the effects are irreversable. There's no cure for fetal alcohol syndrome so you may expect a lifetime of hell, just like my family. Why would anyone voluntarily do that to an innocent baby?

And you wonder why I hate alcohol.

I'm wearing: Baby tee, stretchy flared jeans, penguin socks, butterfly slippers
I'm listening to: Choking on the truth *Bif Naked*
I'm thinking: Everyone, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!