so, my fever got up to 100.2 before i finally decided to go to the e.r. i told my dad and he was a total ass about it. i was very nauseous, getting dizzy and weak. i wasn't amused when he told me to take some tylenol and go to sleep. i could have had something serious! hell, my fever got up to 100.9 before it finally started to back off...

we got there at about 1 a.m. and i knew i was going to get a pregnancy test done as well. kill two birds with one stone right? besides, i'd rather have hospital workers hear about my predicament than regular people in a drugstore, and even moreso, the nosey cashiers.

the nurse was quite loud when asking me pregnancy related questions, "when was your last period? when was the last time you had unprotected sex? what kind of discharge have you had? any cramps? have you thrown up?" i was SURE my dad had heard them and was having a heart attack in the waiting room. i couldn't believe he was gonna know his precious little daughter wasn't a virgin.

i gave her a urine sample and waited. and waited. the nurses were talking outside about a 15 year-old girl who was coming in from an overdose on pills. that it was her nineth attempt at suicide. i was brought back to my own experience... it wasn't even three years ago that i was in the e.r. for the exact same reason, figuring there was nothing at all to live for. and i waited for the doctor. and couldn't believe the two different maries from these two different times. in once for OD, and then in for possible pregnancy (hidden by a spiked fever). how times change huh?

so, the doctor came in. a faint positive line on the test. i shouldn't even be able to tell yet, it hasn't been two weeks... but there was a faint positive line.

i'm still in shock. i have to get another test done next week sometime to make sure, but... did you hear me? a faint positive line.

i don't know what to think. i need to sleep, i still have that stinking fever and all.

and i have a parade to get up for in less than seven hours... my brother and sister look up to me so much.

am i still a good role model towards them? and what will my dad think when his supposedly (virgin) daughter tells him she's having a baby?

I'm wearing: baby tee, scrubs, cow socks
I'm listening to: gone in 60 seconds
I'm thinking: i don't know what to think