i have no idea what time i finally fell asleep this morning... but i know it was 3 p.m. before i even had the energy to open my eyes and ponder whether i should get up or not. i'm so damn exhausted.

i've been in a chat room and the girls there tell me that i might not be pregnant. and then i asked someone i consider to be the most educated girl about pregnancy that i can think of... and she says that i'm almost definitely pregnant. and then i ask myself what to think, and i think there's almost no doubt in my mind that i am.

and i'm almost sure that my period won't come tomorrow or wednesday like it's supposed to. that i won't see it for a year or so.

and i still don't know how to react to any of this. i'm too sick and tired to give it much more thought, actually. every now and then i wonder about crazy things, but right now it's nothing more than thought and i'd love to be able to talk to some of my real life friends about all of this. too bad they're all in fredericton.

damieon still doesn't know about the test. he hasn't called and i'm not sure if he's still in halifax or on his way back to fredericton. i'm scared that he's still going to want to take this baby away from me. that he's never going to grow up mentally and i'll always be scared to death about the safety of my child.

i think too much. i wish i could fix that. i'd love to get in the tub right now but i'm scared it's going to make me throw up. i'm really starting to get fed up with all this nausea. i can't take this feeling much longer.

too bad i can't just sleep this whole thing off.

I'm wearing: long sleeved tee, scrubs
I'm listening to: nothing
I'm thinking: i wish my mind would make it's mind up about throwing up