I'm wearing some heavy artillery tonight, I feel like I'm going to freeze to death and cook at the same time. I stayed up for 22 hours overnight. I figured if I stayed up until I couldn't manage it anymore, I'd be able to sleep decently. I was wrong! I ended up feeling crappier when I finally got up this evening. I would do just about ANYTHING for a real night of sleep... I can't even remember the last time I woke up refreshed and ready to meet the day.

Last night was pretty tough on me. I thought I was doing so well in coping about Brayden; I was actually able to go along with every-day things. Then I just broke down, I couldn't write anymore. Sometimes I just wish I had someone here to be able to physically hug, cry on, whatever. The internet has been great for justifying my emotions and getting good information, and a bit of support/belonging. But when it comes down to it, nothing's better than having someone just take you into their arms and make you feel less alone. I feel so useless right now; like I'm just here on earth to eat, sleep (HA) and take care of my family. I don't care about anything anymore, I wouldn't mind curling up in bed and staying there until I took my last breath.

How much longer is this going to last? Am I going to start feeling better when my body and health go back to normal? When the Zoloft has metabolized itself properly? When I've found someone to meet my needs, when I get pregnant again? What if I never find myself? I don't like the uncertainty of it. Does no one else understand what I'm going through right now?

I just realized Damieon has access to my diary. I don't think he comes on Diaryland anymore; but if he does, he'll come here and all hell will break loose. Just you wait.

I'm wearing: Flannel pj's, butterfly slippers, fleece robe
I'm listening to: Gossip folks *Missy E*
I'm thinking: Nothing really