i miss justin... i DON'T miss jamie anymore. hooray for me! i've gotten over a total prick.

so i didn't spend any time with justin today. he worked until three this afternoon, and i tried catching him as he was getting off work, but the blood people at the hospital were gone for ages and i got to his work ten minutes late.

as for my doctor's appointment... it went smoothly. my doctor was utterly amazed with how i was doing, i totally stunned her. you know what disappoints me though? she didn't think i'd make it out there. what a bitch! haha. she said if all the crap that happened to me this semester happened to me two years ago, i'd probably give up. and she's probably right. but i'm a totally different person now, and i can face the world in all my glory. she was happy for me, and i got her to okay the bloodwork. i'm getting my iron, hemoglobin, and b12 checked, as well as my cbc. i should have asked to get a protein count too, and even my cholestorol, just to see what my numbers are like. i hadn't had bloodwork done in a while... the lady even managed to get blood out of my right arm! i'm sure you're all amazed to hear this, hehe. i love details, sue me!

i spent all night on the phone. i called darla, lucy, lisa-marie, even my birth mother. i even told her i'm thinking about taking up her offer of going to her hometown over christmas break. i know i wouldn't spend much time with her as she's a heavy drunk that goes psycho whenever she gets alcohol in her system. i'd love to see my cousins though. and maybe even get the courage to prove the paternity of my asshole birth father. i have never talked to him, though i saw him a few times when i was a little girl. he's the school principal there, and i went for two months in primary school, so i had no other choice but to cross paths with him now and then. he denies paternity, and i want nothing but to prove him wrong. i don't want a relationship with him, i don't even want him to acknowledge me... i just want to be right. i've got my dad, and my dad kicks some serious ass.

you know what he told me one night while we were driving somewhere? he explained how he cleans up at our church every morning. he gets paid $100 a month to do it, which isn't much, really. but you know what he told me? "because they can't afford it, i give them $25 a week during donations". i felt this new respect for him, at how much he gives to everyone. he is the most selfless person i've known in my life. he makes sure everyone else is happy before he even thinks about himself. i love him so much it almost hurts. i'm such a daddy's girl, and i'm proud to say so! i hope justin's half the guy my dad is.

i miss justin.

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