man, i really hope i don't have any more yesterdays.

we had native studies yesterday, and marilyn wasn't there, so i figured our cheques had gotten here and she was off shopping with katie. i called home to check (i had gotten a different answering machine first, talk about creepy), and got the machine. not home. so i went back to class, and actually paid attention. had to do with the hudson's bay company. he let us off twenty minutes early, i was overjoyed, hehe.

i walked with melissa to her place, then went home. marilyn was sleeping on the couch, no cheque. i couldn't believe that all she had was a 2:30 class and here she was sleeping at 5:00. melissa called, and i kind of vented a bit about how marilyn doesn't ever go to school anymore, and if our funding agency finds this out, she's going to be in shit. and i also said that i wasn't going to ask her why she didn't go to class today, because the last time i did, she got all bitchy at me. and then marilyn got up and snapped at me. yes i was talking about her, but it wasn't like i was talking shit about her, it's her goddamned schooling and i was supposed to sit here and let her take advantage of the money she was getting to go to school? so after i got off the phone with melissa, i went to do the dishes, and marilyn was in her room on the phone. she came out with my cordless and told me to talk to her friend. and her friend told me off. for fucks's sake, why the hell can't marilyn tell me off herself? so i let this girl tell me off. i told her why i had said it, and that i hadn't been in the wrong (what do you think?) and told her that marilyn had her own shit that she put on me. and then marilyn got on the phone with her and i could hear them laughing. so whatever. i wasn't going to put up with this shit.

so i got my laptop, books, and left the apartment. i walked to the bus stop and it wasn't going to come for another 15 minutes. i wasn't going to wait so i walked further down the route. katie passed by in a cab, and craned her head to look at me. i knew that later on that day, she would also hate me. i kept walking... waited for the bus. got on, and it fucking took me all over southside fredericton. i think i was on the bus for nearly an hour. i got off, and by then it was dark. night dark. i walked around trying to find melissa's place, but didn't know my way around in the dark, and i got lost. downtown. by myself. with a laptop. fuck, if i wasn't so damn pissed off, i would have started freaking out. i went around in circles, and didn't even know where the bus stop was anymore (not like that would help, because they were out of service until 9:00). i finally got on melissa's street, and there was some guy walking behind me. i started getting freaked out then, so i started rushing my ass to her place. i got there, and vented out.

my venting lead to crying and i let tears go for about a minute. and then tried to make it all funny and was lauging in no time. but fuck, this is the stress that marilyn puts me through.

we went to pick my stuff up later on in the evening, and i planned on not really talking to her. i had to get her to open the door though cause i'd left my keys at melissa's. i confronted her, and told her that i wasn't talking shit, just that i need someone to talk to when i get really stressed out. and that i wasn't putting her down, just that here she was, getting paid to go to school and she doesn't even go. and then we talked it all out. i'll spare you details. but she ended up crying, and i tried to comfort her... she says she's going home at christmas, and not coming back. so i'm just going to stop trying to get her to go to school. end of subject. we're back on decent terms, and we ended up laughing over a few things.

but i needed my time away from her and got myself some stuff and said i'd be back on thursday or friday. so that's that. i've been here ever since, and spending time away from the apartment and marilyn is something i really needed.

but i don't want to tie up the phone line, and i want to just lay down and try to de-stress my body.

no more yesterdays.

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