i swear i don't know who to believe anymore... justin says he wouldn't lie, damieon says he wouldn't lie to me, and damieon also says jeannie wouldn't lie to him. but someone here is lying, and it sure as hell isn't me. justin still calls me all the time, leads me on... why would he invite me to his place to watch movies if he was going out with someone else when he perfectly knows that he'll end up making moves on me... but why does he get mad when he hears he might be getting cheated on? why does damieon swear he's seeing jeannie when justin swears jeannie isn't seeing damieon? why does jeannie say she likes to fuck with his head? why does this all have to be so confusing? grrr.

i haven't heard from my lawyer lately. i hope he's not peeved that i left without talking to him first. there was far too much to take care of in fredericton to be talking with lawyers. my main concern at the moment (besides making my statement) is finding out whether i get a new winter coat and schoolbag. my coat was nearly 500 dollars, and my schoolbag was nearly 65 dollars. call it fate that my brand new expensive things get ruined right after i get them. especially when i never splurge on things such as coats and schoolbags.

i haven't heard about that job yet either. the submission date isn't over until the 22nd, so i guess i'll just have to hang in there until then. i don't mind waiting at all, i'm not thrilled at the thought of working. i have a paper deadline just wasting away and i haven't even bothered getting all my sources yet, ha. that's at the top of my to-do list right now though, despite whatever's at the top of my list on this diary.

mother's day is coming up, and i spend yet another mother's day without a mother. one of them is with her boyfriend in another town and the other (which i really just consider the woman who carried me for nine months) is probably drunk almost as often as my adopted mother. i bet my dad and sibs will try to make something out of the whole day, but i don't even want to be reminded of it. i mean, i'm glad that neither of these women are in my life, but i'm jealous of everyone who has a REAL mother in their lives. one of those mothers that loves you unconditionally, is there for you 24/7, and someone who you can call a friend. my mother was never like that. she answered to her alcohol before she ever considered how i was and beat me and treated me like shit when my dad worked, so i never grew up feeling loved. screw mother's day.

i'm thinking of calling up olive sometime. the same olive that screwed my life up over two years ago, and sent me into such a deep depression that i tried to kill myself and ended up in the hospital for over a week. the same olive with her constant, compulsive lies, that turned the heat of our differences from her to me, and made everyone she knew hate me with a fierceness. yup, her. i'm not a person to hold grudges, and even though she was (and probably still is) a pathological liar, she was still a friend, and maybe i can find some companionship in her. what harm is there in it? i could always use another friend.

i've lost three pounds in the last few days, yay me. if i can completely ditch my university appetite/diet, i'm sure to lose those last ten pounds, even without exercise. i was never a person to work out anyway. gyms? ha, i laugh in all their faces. you can't even get me to go out for a walk just for the hell of it. call me lazy, i don't care.

well, i'm off to do a few graphics changes (nothing you'll notice, hopefully) and try to get some sleep before i'm forced to awake in a zombie-like state for physiotherapy. i'm telling you, my shoulder better work nicely after all this getting-up-early or someone is getting it.

ha.

I'm wearing: v-neck baby tee, flare leg jeans, frog socks
I'm listening to: anthem *blink-182*
I'm thinking: i wish i didn't have to get up in six hours for physio...