Countdown for when I start work: 5 days. Hmmm, I wonder if I'll have the energy by then, because I sure as hell don't right now.

A pitiful confession on my behalf: I'm pretty sure my dad knows I'm pregnant... it just hasn't been verbally confirmed. I feel like such a loser but I don't want to admit to my dad that I'm not a virgin. Not easy. But I got a few dozen cloth diapers in the mail yesterday and since I was asleep, my dad was the one who picked them up. The only words shared between us about it? "Marie, you've got a parcel" I've completely lost my waist and I'm slowly working on a baby belly, and still, my dad hasn't officially been told what's going on. But at the same time, I did have the nerve to e-mail my cousin in Switzerland to ask for Stefan's baby clothes. I'm such an idiot. So, my other cousin and his girlfriend will be here in less than two weeks with a pile of baby things to add to my beginnings of a newborn diaper stash and my dad will still be thinking things over in his head, all by himself. What kind of daughter am I?

My dad's been talking about university quite a bit these days... it makes me wonder how much my dad actually expects of me. I know I just got a new super girl layout, but I am only human you know. I am NOT going to waddle back and forth to campus. I am NOT going to try and fit prenatals into my schedule where I'll also be waddling back and forth to the hospital that I had my surgeries in and hated with a passion. I will NOT give birth in aforementioned hospital for aforementioned reason. I will NOT juggle motherhood and university workloads because everyone knows how hard it was to keep me motivated sans child. Maybe one day I'll just tell him to fuck off because I'm going to have my baby here and that I'll be a stay-at-home-mom until my baby decides that I can spread my efforts in other directions. Or maybe not. But I'm not going back until I'm ready. Something's really trying to make me fail out there at university and I want to be able to keep my guard up when I do go back.

Geez it's frikkin hot here. I just realized it's 2 p.m. and I haven't eaten anything yet or even loaded up on fluids. I'm not even hungry to tell you the truth... it's a miracle! I still maintain that I'll be a cow by the time I'm ready to have this baby; 10lbs in my first two months? It's insane. I wonder if I promise to make my infamous made-from-scratch pizza for supper, that dad will lug us to subway for a late lunch. It sounds like a plan... I'm gonna wash up and start grovelling at his feet!

I'm wearing: Tank top, shorts
I'm listening to: Birds chirping, cars driving by, the computer humming
I'm thinking: About nothing in particular