I didn't think I could still function off an hour of sleep, but apparently it's still possible.

I had my doctor's appointment today.

I'm not pleased (though I'm still continuing to lose weight).

I got half an evil eye from my doctor when I told her I didn't go for my second ultrasound. The technicians took so long to get back to me, so I thought I didn't need one anymore. But she's concerned because I'm still spotting so I'm scheduled for another ultrasound anyway. I'm really hoping that I see a healthy, empty uterus when I go there too because all that water at one time is enough to kill me. I also told her about all my sleeping problems and she decided it might help if she upped my dosage of Zoloft yet again. I'm up to 150 mg a day now so I'm hoping she doesn't have to go up to 200 mg... that's just insane. I'm doing a lot better with this increase than I was with the last one though so I'm keeping my fingers crossed and pleading for my sanity back. Or at least my concentration. And if that wasn't enough, she had to ask how things were going at home. I really have been coping better with everything, but I told her about Miranda anyway. She needs a whole new paragraph...

She didn't come home. We got a call around 11:30 last night from a woman claiming that Miranda was stoned over at some apartment complex and hanging around with some badass named Darvin. What the hell kind of name is that anyway? He's supposed to be a lot of trouble and this woman thought she was way too young to be doing all that shit. She told us to pick Miranda up, but we couldn't find her. We called the police around midnight and they investigated it saying she'd taken off in a taxi, headed for her brother's. She never came home. I had my doctor's appointment at 10:30 a.m. so my doctor was really concerned when I told her what was going on. She even told me I could call the police again right from her office. Instead, we waited for me to get everything done and my prescription picked up. We went to the police, explaining what Miranda's been doing lately. They agreed to keep an eye out for her, and then we left looking for her again. Eventually we found her with one of her many pimps, as I like to call them. As soon as they opened the door I knew it wasn't going to be a pretty sight. There was a smell of weed, with a half-ass job of trying to cover up the scent... and cut-up cardboard for makeshift filters to put in joints. Hell, I knew what it was like; I'd done it many times before. But seeing my sister in that situation was unsettling. She doesn't know what the fuck she's doing! She was so unbelievably stoned, and missing school all this time. Looking at her in that place was like watching a scene of "The Basketball Diaries" or something. It was just pitiful. I really don't know how she's going to end up because she just doesn't listen, and she never will. She worries me so much... I don't think she'll even finish high school. I don't think she'll learn how to manage a place of her own, keep a job, or keep out of trouble. What do you do with a kid like that?

Anyway, I was doing some good for myself today. I strolled down to my little college and picked up one of their calendars. I can't get into any programs right now, but I can still get into distance courses if I move my ass. I already skimmed through the offerings and the pickings are really slim... but when I can actually comprehend all the summaries, I'll find a couple of courses that I can actually transfer when I get back to university. You know what topped it all off though? Seeing Justin walking by as I was waiting for the pamphlets. He was talking to one of his friends so he didn't notice me, but my pulse just went up and I was praying he wouldn't look over. I really am NOT ready to jump into his issues over me yet, I probably never will be. But he has my Shawshank DVD and I want it back. Hah.

Okay, I'm going to try and catch up on my e-mails before I fall asleep.

I'm wearing: Long-sleeved baby tee, leggings, flower/butterfly socks, butterfly slippers
I'm listening to: Sophia *Bif Naked*
I'm thinking: I'm lazy