i find it hilarious that meeko (my dog) is afraid of balloons. i'm pretty sure you could run after him with a steak knife and he wouldn't give a shit. but if you so much as point a balloon in his direction, he'll cower and run. he can be so hard to understand sometimes, but it's hard to believe he's gonna be six years old in a few days! hell, who cares about MY birthday which comes before his. he's my baby, i love him to pieces!

our family got a christmas card in the mail today from my biological mother and her little family. i think this is the first time they've ever sent us one. i'm figuring they're doing it to remind me that i owe them money. i can't think of it any differently, but you know me, cynical and all that fun stuff.

but i also found out that my scholarship is ready for school after christmas break. and you know what? i'm going to take it. i know i'm supposed to be here resting, to make time for counselling and to feel better about myself. but living in this house is worse than ANYTHING i have to deal with out in school and this house is slowly killing me. i may have felt shitty out in fredericton, but at least i didn't want to die when i was out there. besides, damieon and his destructive ways won't be anywhere in sight. i'll have lots more time for school and more time with each of my friends. and no one will be making me feel like shit. okay, that last comment was really optimistic but i'm known to attract bad things... there's always some sort of drama going on in my life. but i'm going back to school and i have to admit that i CANNOT wait to get back out there. of course this means i probably won't be put on antidepressants because my doctor won't be able to check up on how they're affecting me, but i don't care right now. i won't have counselling, as i don't see how counselling out there would benefit me. and i'll miss my dog more than anything. but i need to start doing something again before i drive myself crazy. and my stuff can't sit in that room much longer or my landlord is going to get rid of it. i'm not going back to that apartment by any means, it was just awful there. right now i'm not sure how the hell i'm going to find a place... none of my friends have room for me until i find a place and the residences are packed, so i'm going to see if one of them can look at listings for me. again, everyone's going home for christmas so this poses another problem. i'll work something out though, i always do.

and when i woke up this morning, i could breathe again. yay for no bloating. i still feel fat though, so i'm declaring another resolution which i hope to stick to; LOSE WEIGHT.

I'm wearing: baby tee, flared cords, star socks
I'm listening to: moment of weakness (or moment of bifness as i've said on national t.v.) *bif naked*
I'm thinking: my hair takes forever to dry...