christmas has snuck up on me and bit me in the ass. i really have to wake up and try and get a few things done before it's come and gone, because it's just pitiful to exclude yourself from activites you should be included in. this doesn't mean i WANT to go to these things, because i feel far from fine... but my family's getting more and more convinced that i'd rather curl up and die than spend time with them.

i'm still on my contraction meds, and i can feel them working but they haven't done what they're supposed to. do you think i could have a uterine infection by now? it's been 10 days now... it feels like it's been forever. but the thing is, i don't know if the pain is from the meds or from an infection and there's really no way to tell. i have my ultrasound tomorrow anyway, so i guess i'll know by then. cross your fingers for me because i really don't want to have to go into surgery to clear my uterus.

i think my mother called and said she wants the kids to spend christmas with her. a little late, don't you think? i have a feeling everyone's going to stay where they are, because there's no way we can afford plane tickets anyway. our new computer is going to be one of the few christmas presents under the tree this year, so there's no way we can spend more money than we have to.

i've really been wanting to call nicole to spend time with her. getting out of this house and trying to take my mind off brayden would do me a world of good. i just can't really stay away from the house when i'm on these meds because that's a disaster waiting to happen in itself. she's been here for nearly two weeks now, and all this time i've needed someone to be here for me. i just want to feel like a normal 21 year old, even it's just for one day.

i really hope christmas treats me okay.

I'm wearing: butterfly satin pj's, butterfly slippers
I'm listening to: chotee *bif naked*
I'm thinking: *singing* my baby, my baby...