first off, i have to say that this song (canon in d) kicks some major ass, especially when you desperately need to relax and breathe and stuff. this song is gonna be playing when i'm walking up that infamous aisle. did you hear me? i've got dibs on it.

so, i feel really bad for the last entry. i don't even want to go back and read it. i don't want to go back and read anyting from the past two months of my life for that matter.

i think an alien has come and inhabited my mind. it's all i can think of. either that or i'm over-the-top hormonal and i don't even know what the hell comes out of my mouth anymore (or fingers in this case).

so, here i go, trying to clear my mind with pachabel and i swear this is coming from the real marie, wherever she may be...

i'm sorry to anyone and everyone i have hurt and/or offended in any way in the past little while. or my whole life for that matter. i refuse to see what's right in front of me sometimes... i get that from my mother, the one person i swore to the death that i'd never turn into.

i'm seriously messed up, i've admitted it before, but when you lose sight of your goals and whatnot, that's when reality slaps you in the face and you wonder what the hell you've been doing to your life and everyone around you.

i'm sorry to everyone, because it's the fact that i've never gotten help that you guys have put up with my abuse. i've ignored you, i've snapped at you for the wrong reasons, i've pushed myself away from the world.

you have no idea how much strength this requires. living inside my head is quite a feat, and i'm sure the counsellor i end up with will listen to what's inside my head and think, "oh my god, where the hell am i going to start?". and that's when i begin wondering, how long is it going to take to make me function properly again?

i'm trying not to think how this is going to affect my near-future... how i'm going to make next month's rent, how i might have to get out of my lease. how i'm going to be able to work a job and be counselled at the same time, when i can actually see my friends again, what the hell's actually going on with my body right now, when i'm going to be able to go back to school, etc. it's hard for me not to think more than i'm supposed to. but i'm going to try and take this one day at a time and i'm going to make a promise...

i will try my hardest to lay my shit bare and not give up on myself while i try to fix my many, many flaws.

really.

I'm wearing: baby tee, patchworks jeans, stripey toe socks
I'm listening to: canon in d *pachabel*
I'm thinking: what the hell have i done to myself?