i stayed up all night again. i never plan these things, but when my family gets up and i'm still awake, i find sleeping a lost cause.

around 11:00, i really started feeling like crap. i swear people around town must've thought i was drunk and stoned, because i surely felt that way. yuck. i mean, my body even started going numb! i couldn't even think about food, and there was no way i could function properly. i fell asleep around 2:00... but getting four hours of sleep does wonders.

at least i got a bunch of stuff done last night! i managed to go through all my stuff, figuring out what i have to take to switzerland and throwing it in the corner. i also got some paperwork done and it's ready to send off (even figured out how to take care of my bills while i'm gone). i think all i have left to do is tackle my clothes, get some sources for the paper i just MIGHT do when i get bored out there, and buy whatever i may need for my trip. and send my medical form out to my surgeon. and pack. i feel on top of things now, so yay.

two more days... i'm starting to feel apprehensive about leaving again. my brother reminded me it was only two days, and when my dad mentioned it as well, i started getting nervous. i started wishing i didn't have to go but my ticket's non-refundable. what's wrong with me? (ahhhh, bif was just on muchmusic, so i get to turn it off now!) i seriously don't know why i'm having all these mixed feelings about the trip... is it some kind of foresight into the future? is something bad going to happen? or am i just being paranoid as usual? i wish i could be genuinely happy about being able to leave the continent... to get away from my pyscho family, away from my problems.

i'm going to miss american keyboards and english and my doggie and my stereo and free long distance calls and "friends" and my bed. but i'm going to have unlimited access to swiss chocolate and see pretty mountains everywhere and be pampered by my eager-to-please cousins and see my grandpa and i'll try to learn german and i'll get to meet little stefan. it's going to be great. tell me it's going to be great.

and by the way, happy independence day to you americans!

I'm wearing: fancy 3/4 sleeve baby tee, spiffy looking jeans, black socks (no animals!)
I'm listening to: muchmusic (solely to get another taping of bif's video)
I'm thinking: i wish the stores didn't close so early... i want a walmart.