i am so unbelievably let down today. my whole 23 hours of bliss has disappeared.

lisa-marie is one very bitter little girl. i hardly even consider her a best friend right now.

see, she called me at work while i was busy with cutomers, going all hyper about letting her take my shifts for next week so i would work all the next week after that, so she could go out of town to visit old friends. i said i'd think about it, and call back when i have time.

so i thought it over, and figured, hey, this could be a great opportunity to go out to new brunswick and find a great apartment close to campus, so i wouldn't have to worry about even finding a place when i leave somewhere around the 20th.

i called my dad first, and talked it over with him, but since he was yelling far too loudly over the phone (being a firefighter for 24.5 years really messed up his hearing) i got off before we made concrete plans.

i called lisa-marie back, saying i would do it and how many shifts she would take for me next week. so she started saying "next week, you take my monday tuesday, friday, and i'll take your wednesday, thursday, and saturday the next week after that". and the problem started there.

i went on "lisa-marie, you said i could have next week off". so she went on about how she wants next week off. so i continued to explain to her that if i'm going to change my shifts around with her (which i completely HATE doing), it'd have to be next week or else it would be too late.

so she started to whine, and bitch, and say that she has to go tonight and how mabel, our supervisor who works only on weekdays, is going to miraculous somehow say yes to taking some shifts when asked. hello lisa-marie, you've been working two weeks, you're going out for fun, and you think she's going to take your shifts? this made me laugh so much in my head.

but she persisted, and persisited, and made me feel like utter crap because i wouldn't switch my shifts around for her so she could go out and have fun (like she doesn't already do enough of that) while i completely turn my plans upside-down for her, and not even get to go out looking for apartments in the end anyway.

she kept pausing on the phone, making me feel worse every minute. so i said "lisa-marie, you're making me feel like the bad guy here". so you know what she said? "well, yeah!". that crushed me. it really hit me hard, and tears welled up in my eyes and i had to fight them off.

never have i seen this insanely bitter girl in the four years i've known her.

and she broke my heart.

after five more minutes of bickering, she said something about how i'm ruining things because she hasn't seen these friends since april, and this chance doesn't come along all the time. so i tried to make her see things perspectively.

she wants to take a week off work, when she's only been working for two... only mabel, her, and myself even know how to use the computer prgram (we're the only store that has a computer-run cash), so they'd have to bring someone in and train them just to take her shifts for one week... our chain of stores are already short-staffed, and our bosses have come into work just to keep one of the stores open... she'd want to get mabel to work when mabel already practically runs the store... she's going just for fun... she expects everything to work out her way, and me to revolve my life around her for these last two weeks of work when i only have this month before my somewhat normal life ends and my insanely working student life begins and i get ripped out of the only place i know.

so, now look at my side of things: as i said, i'm leaving around the 20th, and as i get closer to that date, so many things have to be taken care of, so i can't even think about screwing up my work shifts so she can go out and have fun. she's not even doing anything with her life, plus she says she's moving there soon anyway... i would have been able to leave this week and take all the shifts the next week after, but she went nuts about doing that, so hey, "i'm not important"... i only have this month to savour whatever comfort i have in this town, such as my dad, and my old friends, and my few good memories. plus, this is a permanent thing i'm doing, and she thinks that it's less important than her going out to see friends that she'll move in with anyway?

no lisa-marie, it doesn't work that way. and you don't know how much it hurts that you basically say out loud that i'm a bitch for putting my foot down.

when she came in to work today, she acted even more spiteful. she ignored me, didn't take much interest in what i had to say when i explained to her about how to work the new alarm, and why not to touch the freezies in the bottom cooler and the storage freezer... and how to count up the nevada tickets when i knew she wouldn't know how to figure it out when she closed up tonight. or even why i was going to call her when she closed up to remind her to turn on the alarm before she left. why do i care to tell her things like that when she's crushed my heart? i don't know. i need much improvement in the strength category.

and yet, when i went to the regatta today, and they had these silly foam creatures that cost 4 bucks, a complete rip-off, i checked to see if they had dolphins, just because she loves them and i know she'd love to have one.

but i cried tonight, for the first time since i can remember. i mean, i even managed to hold back many tears when thinking about having to leave my dad. and knowing that i may not be around when he dies. and i know a part of me will die when he does.

but this was a big blow to the head, and i don't know if i can forgive lisa-marie this time.

someboday, hold me. help me, love me.

I'm wearing:
I'm listening to:
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