i don't feel like spewing out too much tonight, but for one i am shocked...

my dad called tonight, to tell me i got a receipt for my tuition for the year. and so we talked, for a long time. i told him about missing my anhtropology mid-term, and i was expecting him to be really disappointed in me. but he wasn't. and i was unbelievably relieved. i got caught up on everything, since i'd been avoiding calling home for the previously discussed reason. and i got some rather shocking news too. my little cousin in switzerland, who is either 15 or 16, is about to become a mother. i think she's supposed to have her baby this month or the next. dammit, i went to see her in february, so i'm figuring she got pregnant while i was out there. and what's even worse, is the father is 26 years old. and even worse, they live hours away from each other, because they freaking met on the internet. this is all still really weird for me. and the fact that none of our family told us! you know how we found out? one of our cousins wrote it in a letter to my eleven year-old brother in the past week. thanks everyone. secrets, ugh...

um, yesterday i was really anti-social... the phone rang over half a dozen times, and i let the machine pick them all up. i was feeling rather blue, and i don't know why. i still am. i think i'm just getting really lonely. i don't know if i can wait another two months to be with justin. it's awful. i just want to be able to have someone physically there for me. someone to hold me when i feel like crap. someone to kiss me and re-assure me that i'm doing all this for some apparent reason. to make me feel better when people make me feel like utter crap. someone to cuddle into and make me feel safe. someone to lace my fingers into theirs, someone to make me melt with one single look. am i asking too much?

i was supposed to go to the movies tonight, with krissy and eddie. krissy was okay with it all, but then we couldn't track down eddie and ended up postponing our movie night. except we can't go until at LEAST next week. eddie called later on tonight to say he had been busy trying to fill out papers for his student loan which still hasn't come. and to do laundry. so now i'm not pissed at him anymore.

tomorrow, i go grocery shopping, provided that my cheque comes. i desperately need food. well, i can still live for another two weeks with what i have, but i'm getting deprived of much-needed nutrients. wednesday, i sleep over at melissa's, and thursday i do something for humanities class. friday i go bowling with melissa, peggy, and marilyn. it's something i haven't done for years. it's going to be the lefties (melissa and i) against the villianous righties.

and for the first time in my life, i have myself booked up for the week.

kill me now.

I'm wearing:
I'm listening to:
I'm thinking: