i have so much energy i don't know what to do with it. the bad thing is, i have readings to do, and then my energy burst will be gone. blah.

so what's been going on with me... i've been talking on the phone far too much, that's for sure.

see, one of my cousins called me last night, and he was loaded drunk. but he heard from my dad that i was going to st. thomas, and stu and unb have a shared campus. he went to unb, and wanted to share experiences and crap, and all i could do was laugh at him cause he was drunk. but it's nice to know that people care about me, people i don't even talk to in my normal life.

so once i got off the phone with him, i decided to get talkative, and i even called my birth mom. okay, i wouldn't have called her, except her number was the only one i knew by heart (i REALLY should have brought my hometown phone book). she was loaded drunk too, and went on with lots of nonsense. i updated her on everything that's been going on with my life, and after me telling her that i wanted to get my tongue pierced, she got all defensive and told me not to. she said that's what gay girls do and "you're not gay". haha. so stereotypical, but so weird considering that i'm not straight. she wants me to spend my christmas break at "home" with her. i don't know where she gets off saying that my home is with her when she never tries to get in contact with me and doesn't make any effort to be in my life, except maybe once in a blue moon. but of course only when she's drunk. she said she'll pay the ticket there, but why am i going to spend my christmas with a drunk that i feel uncomfortable around, when i have my dad, and my dog, and my friends in my hometown? is she nuts? ha. but i told her i'd go and see her after next semester's finished. a lot more time then. but do i really want to grow a relationship with her? i don't know. i really don't want to get attached and then get shot down or hurt or whatever. i've let myself do that far too many times before and i try to keep my guard up. she is my birth mother, she brought me into this world. but she's nothing but bad news. i mean, i don't even have a definite birth father. well, she says it's this guy, but he's denying it, and blah blah blah. nice to know your physical roots huh? see, that's why i don't even wanna get into all this crap. why deal with stuff like that when i'm doing perfectly fine with her? and then she starts dragging my "half-sister" into it. this half-sister is my birth-mother's (let's start calling her rosie) daughter. except she's adopted, so there really aren't any relations between us. or so you'd think. she's my cousin really, cause it's rosie's niece. complicated stuff. so she's going on saying how samantha wants to be in my life and i'm not doing anything to try and involve her in any way. and then i start regretting calling her cause why the hell do i even call a drunk on a saturday night? okay, end of subject.

after that, i called my cousin lucy. we talked for a long time, she had just come out of the tub, and air-dried while we were talking. we had a lot of catching up to do, and i plan to go and see her once this year is out. she also mentioned talking to jamie on the phone. i couldn't believe it! somehow my cousin sherry knew jamie's friends, and sherry gave her the phone while she went and did something. and somehow lucy and jamie were on the phone (this was over the winter) and had a little conversation about me. jamie talked about how he had gone out with me, and regretted breaking it off. he said he still really liked me and had planned on asking me back out (which he did, and if you want to have some fun, go to my archives and try to find a storyline somewhere). after she told me all this, my heart sank. i still miss him, and i'll always have some sort of feelings for him, no matter how pissed off i am at him. sometimes i'll get a reminder of him, like smelling his cologne on another guy, or seeing a guy wearing his type of clothes, and i go back in time. and it makes me want to cry. but it's all in the past and i don't think we could ever go back. i miss jamie.

blah. where were we?

so after that, i called a few more friends, got updates from around canada. i'm so lucky to have unlimited access or else i wouldn't know what to do with myself. i miss everyone so much, but yet i'm glad that i got out of that town, out of isolation, and i've started my own life. no boundaries =o)

i'm pissed off with my printer. you know why it was on sale? cause it's an older make. it's only designed for up to windows 98, and guess what? i have windows me. but i'm going to buy a printer cable, and try to see if i can get it to work with that instead of a usb cable. and if not, i'm going to have a talk with the university bookstore. i can't have a printer that doesn't work. what's even worse, is i can't hook my digital camera up to my laptop. and i can't do it here on campus either, cause i'd have to download the software to do the transfers. and blah. another technological interference. i'm going to have to find someone who will let me borrow their computer every once in a while to upload pictures. and then the best part: i don't have a floppy drive on my laptop (i use one of those universal keys that works as its own drive through a usb connection) so then they'd also have to have an internet connection so i could upload to my diaryland server. and then go home on my laptop, download them there, and transfer them to my universal key. and then if they don't have internet, i'd have to buy a floppy disk, save it on there, go to the university, put them on my server there, and do that whole process i was just talking about. damn technology.

i saw andrea this morning. she's still having bouts of fights with our landlord. he won't give her the rest of her rent money, and blah, blah, blah. i really feel bad for everything that happened. but if you ask me, i think it would have happened sooner or later, so it's better that it happened within the first month. but i miss her. when i hugged her that night, i didn't want to let go. i get attached oh so easily.

man, i'm getting sick of typing. i'll update you properly later? besides, i have readings to do. and assignments. i'm such the procrastinator. and i'll probably put them off til the absolute last minute anyway.

i can't get into my guestbook and it's pissing me off cause someone wrote in it. blah. what would absolutely make my day now is seeing layla somewhere. and if all else fails, i'll see her tomorrow, either on the bus, or in anthropology. yum. =o)

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