I cannot stress how much I detest having my mother and sister staying under the same roof as I... it's just hell.
Needless to say, they both came back yesterday. My sister was missing for ten days and every time she comes back she bitches at everyone in the house like she owns the place and everything's supposed to go her way. This coming from a girl who can't stay in school or get a job. She gets it from my mother though... we picked her up at the airport last night and I could smell the booze wafting from her even before she got to me. She hasn't sobered up in these 24 hours and hasn't even gotten out of bed yet (though that hasn't stopped her from being a complete bitch). I was literally in tears taking my mother home from the airport knowing all the shit I'd be forced to deal with... my dad just refuses to take my side and deny them a place in the house. If this poor baby's born with health problems due to my stress, I'll never forgive my family. Ever.
I've been struggling these past few weeks, I really don't know what's holding the last bit of my sanity. I've been crying for no reason, or maybe I just refuse to see the reasons. I've been doing a lot of wallowing... it's been coming though because I've been doing so well avoiding it all. I guess I just can't accept the fact that I'm going to be a single mother on assistance with an incomplete university education. It's definitely not where I thought I'd be, but that's just how it's going to be.
My mind's just been so fuzzy lately, I can't even think clearly enough to try and get my thoughts out. It's times like this that I miss my Zoloft.
Velour pj's, STU sweatshirt, bear socks
I'm listening to:
Beautiful people *Marilyn Manson*
I feel fat