I would much rather be in the tub right now so I can get out of this house and do some pilates with Nicole, but I got some frantic messages from Justin about some "excellent" news on his behalf and now I have to wait and see what he's come up with now.

I'm already around five weeks pregnant, oh how the time flies. I scheduled a prenatal appointment a.s.a.p. and the earliest time they had was June 20th. Do I live in a frikkin time warp or something? Also, I don't see my counsellor until June 9th, but I'm going to see if she can help me to personally get in touch with my doctor. I'm sure this is going to be considered a somewhat high-risk pregnancy and I really don't want to wait over three goddamned weeks just to talk to my doctor. I mean, that would make me eight weeks; the same time I lost Brayden. I don't want to be left high and dry like that, and I'm sure my doctor's going to think the same thing.

I still haven't told my family... I don't even know how to tell my family. I'm hoping to keep it quiet at least until next weekend; Justin and his family are moving to Newfoundland on Saturday and I really don't want my dad murdering the father of my child. Justin and I have done a lot of talking, and yet some more talking. He wants no part in the baby's life besides the occasional financial support. And he won't just send me money, noooooo... he's going to send whatever I need to "make sure it gets spent on the baby". Ass. Hold on, I really need to make a beeline for the bathroom... Also, he's made it clear that no one on his side shall ever find out about the baby. I still don't know exactly how he's going to pull that off but whatever. I was really disappointed when he declared all this; not on my part, I couldn't care less of him because he's caused me more pain than anything else. But there's a child involved, and he/she will never know their father and that just breaks my heart. But I guess that's one of the things I have to deal with for getting pregnant huh?

Justin's not back yet and I have no patience. I am pumped for pilates and it's already 6:00 so he's going to have to wait. I hardly even believe this "news" benefits me or the baby anyway.

*sigh*

I'm wearing: Mickey nightie
I'm listening to: The news
I'm thinking: What's he trying to say now?