can you believe this? this is my first time EVER watching cruel intentions, and i'm only watching it 'cause it's on t.v. i can be so pathetic sometimes.

my dad and i had a little thing tonight. see, my mother called today and announced that she wants to escape to here for a few days. her boyfriend is driving her crazy and their new house isn't completely finished yet, blah, blah, blah. so, i told dad about it this evening and he kinda got mad. he made me feel like crap because he really can't stand her. and before i knew it, i was full-out crying. i didn't even want to, it just came pouring out. haha, first i couldn't force myself to cry and now it just pops out of nowhere over the stupidest things. so anyway, he started feeling really bad for trying to take it out on me and i'm still kinda pissed with him.

but i guess he's got his own form of depression as well. he's had two failed marriages, and our mother puts him through semi-regular hell. all three of his kids are unquestionably fucked up in the head and steal all his time from him. he has no job to take away from his thoughts, and he definitely has no money. even worse, he lives on next to nothing and goes further and further into debt. he lives thousands of miles from his family and doesn't know if he's ever going to see his dad again. and he has no friends. i'd snap at my daughter every now and then if i was him too...

and that's what makes me forgive him because i snap at him too. maybe he deserves it sometimes (because he does) but none of us are perfect and sometimes i have to give myself a reality check to realize that.

i haven't been feeling too peachy lately... i've been completely drained of energy, to the point that i needed a nap even before supper. to the point that i made supper in the middle of the afternoon and left my family to fend for themselves and find it while i was snoozing. i've been so stressed, and uncomfortably crampy. i'm losing the patience to wait for aunt flo. i have to though, and that's what pisses me off. three more days. any longer and i'll have to be issued into a mental institution.

man do i ever need a vacation from this place.

I'm wearing: baby tee, stretchy jeans, cow socks
I'm listening to: a diamond ring commercial
I'm thinking: my eyes hurt