today has been pretty uneventful, but i guess i made it that way. i didn't get up until 3 p.m. this afternoon. i partly blame it on not being able to fall alseep until about 5 a.m., but mostly because i was having a happy dream for once.

i can't really remember it anymore, but i was out of town at this train station and i met up with one of my old best friends, shannon (she now lives in ontario, and i miss her so much). so we met up and went to this huge mansion with a garden and a labrynth. we were catching up on old times, and there was so much going on. i didn't really want to leave my dream, so every time i woke up, i just went back to sleep and the dream went on.

finally, at 3 p.m. i forced myself out of bed. i did a bit of cleaning up around the house, and my parents left to take someone home. my mother actually said she get us some fries on the way back so i didn't cook supper. i don't know why i believed her, but i did. maybe because i'd like to believe people like her will change.

but then it was past 7 p.m. and the kids were complaining, and i had no other choice than to tell them to wait. i was getting hungry too because i hadn't eaten yet all day. so she finally called, drunk of course. my dad said he couldn't get her to leave there, because there was alcohol and tobacco. so i got her on the phone and told her that there were hungry people over here and an hour and a half later she came back with fries. and of course another six pack.

my sister moved her jacket to a place that my mother felt unappropriate to her and then all hell broke loose. i got this huge headache and all i wanted was for the house to be quiet for once. i really don't know how my mother can be so evil and inconsiderate of others. what's going on in her brain that makes her so goddamn selfish?

she eventually passed out, but it's not easy to go through life in this house, knowing it'll be the exact same thing tomorrow. and the day after that. and the day after that. maybe i shouldn't be complaining, because this is all i know. but then i think about my friends, and how they actually like their mothers, and how their mothers can give them so much love. i know i'll never have that, and it hurts.

and that's what gives me the motivation to try and be the exact opposite of her. besides, my friends said they would kill me if i turned out like her. problem solved.

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