i'm home alone. i'm going crazy...

so, i went to se my lawyer today. i got kind of freaked out when he said we have to meet with the insurance company on friday instead of february. basically, a representative is going to come to the law office and interview me about the day of the accident. i still remember bits of it... mostly sitting on the bus on the way home, listening to bif's spoken-word album and smiling through the first-half (which is all i got to listen to before i got thrown across the street). but luckily, i wrote out an entry a week or so after the accident, and it's more detailed than my memory is right now. i'd print it out, but this isn't my laptop (it's STILL in the frikkin shop) and courtney's printer isn't working. i'm really getting nervous about this whole interrogation. i know i didn't do anything wrong that day, not to my knowledge... but i have a feeling this bitch is going to play bad cop and force things out of me that aren't even true. what if i break down crying or something, or what if something i say doesn't come out right? reading that entry from january ALONE brought back a lot of memories and now it's all going to be brought out in the open again. and on friday, no less. my lawyer says he can probably get this whole case settled within a month from the interview, provided we don't have to get into a discovery. i can't even remember what a discovery is anymore, but let's hope i don't need one. and he doesn't even know when i can get a winter coat. please cross your fingers that i can leave by the end of the month... i don't have any money for november rent and i'll be screwed.

in a way, i don't want to leave fredericton. all my friends are here, i have so much independence, and i feel more comfortable here than anywhere else. but i want to leave... because i want to see my dad, and i want to see my dog. i want to go home and have mary brown's (fast-food chicken), and i want to see my violin. i want to sleep in my own bed, and i want to go on my own computer. i want to get help with my problems, i don't want to have to bottle things up anymore. but most of all, i want a break.

a lot of my friends think i'm making a mistake... that i'm wasting all this money i put into this semester, and how i can get through everything until christmas. but i've been "getting through" everything all my life and i can't put up with it anymore. sometimes i wonder whether i've made the right decision or not, but i've made it and now the only way to find out is to wait it all out. and hope there's some decent psychologists back home.

and all that fun stuff.

I'm wearing: long-sleeved baby tee, stretchy jeans, sparkly/star belt, penguin socks
I'm listening to: my religion *bif naked*
I'm thinking: damn allergic reactions