it's shannon's 21st birthday as of right now, wherever she may be. damn, it's hard to think that when i was a fifteen year-old fart, we hung around together, the best of friends. so carefree and ignorant, at least somewhat ignorant. i wish she'd never moved away.

i've ruined another tongue ring yet again. this one didn't even last me a month! it was a pride one too, dammit. i'm deciding on whether i should wear my blue-striped one, or the hello kitty one. i'm so bad with tongue rings i keep them in stock... now how bad is that?

and my mother thinks damieon and i are in love, just because i hang around with him a lot. she's full of bullshit, and alcohol. i really wish she didn't try to include me in her life because i would do far much better without her.

it's been a tough few days though... last night, my roommate and her boyfriend were gone out so when i got back to my room, i finally had a chance to really cry. and i cried to my heart's content. i felt so awful that i scanned the room for something to cut myself with. while i was looking around, i pondered where it would be best to do it and everything, until i forced myself to stay in bed and knock some sense back into my head. i called melissa to kill some time, then i put on a movie and cried myself to sleep.

today it hasn't been much better. i've been completely half-gone, doing things mechanically. marilyn called (whom i haven't even seen since december), and noticed it in my voice and called melissa to make sure i was okay. my parents both call all the time to check up on me... i couldn't even have fun at the party tonight.

so i think it's safe to say that i've gotten depressed again. and to tell you the truth, i don't know how i'm going to dig myself out of this hole. i'm so uncertain about my life that it scares me.

THIS is what i worked so hard to get to... don't you love life?

I'm wearing:
I'm listening to:
I'm thinking: