i'm hoping hoping hoping i'll be able to get a half-decent night's sleep. this past 24 hours has been so emotional, so hard on me. i want to crawl in a hole and be left alone until it's time to go back to school.

miranda's a bitch, i know that. she waltzes in and out of the house like she's all that and she thinks she can do whatever she wants without any consequences.

so yesterday, she'd burst into the house for the millionth time. actually, she started banging on the door and screaming, just for attention. she had two of her friends with her... one meeko knows, and the other he doesn't. so, she bursts in the door, her friends in tow. they leave the door wide open, and meeko tries to run out. miranda starts screaming and flailing about, and she tells her friend (the stranger) to shut the door. smart-ass fucking friend! she tries to shut the door on meeko's FUCKING NECK. was she expecting him to be grateful for that? no, biting her was something i would have done too. and he didn't attack her, he bit her leg, her leg that didn't even get injured, just some teeth marks. my dog isn't a heathen.

i freaked out at my sister, and she went pounding through the house, swearing and yelling in a way that didn't make any sense. at least one of her friends is decent (unlike her) and told her to calm down and not to talk to our dad like she was. they leave, and around 10:30 p.m., we get a call from the hospital. obviously it wasn't anything or it wouldn't have taken her fucking HOURS to get to the hospital to complain. she didn't get any treatment, didn't need any medical attention. "and also, the dog catcher is coming to your house tomorrow to pick up the dog."

dad got off the phone and yelled at miranda, telling her that she was grounded for the rest of the summer, and the dog catcher was going to get meeko. my heart broke, and i scooped him up off the floor and brought him into my room.

and i had a mental breakdown.

this is my baby, the only one i love besides my dad. this is the dog that i can't live without, my little boy.

i spent the whole night just laying in bed with him, crying. he slept in my arms, and i told him i loved him, and kissed him all over. i smelled his face and felt his heart beat and massaged his legs. i listened to him snore, watched him dream, and i couldn't stop crying. i stayed up, heartbroken, exhausted, nauseous, and with my head pounding like crazy. 7 a.m. rolled around and i felt like throwing up, it was time for sleep.

i woke up again before noon, wondering why meeko was still there, laying on my rug. i was grateful, but confused. when was the dog catcher coming? then my family was gone (miranda too, her grounding didn't even START before she was allowed to do everything she wanted again). gone out of town running other people's errands, which pisses me off to no end. they were gone forever, and i was freaking out. why the hell wasn't my dad around to give meeko to the dog catcher? i was NOT going to be the one giving him to the people that were going to take his life away from him. no fucking way. i froze every time i heard a vehicle come down the street, thinking of a way i could hide meeko away from them, for just another day.

i get a phone call. the car's broken down outside of town. i knew it was going to happen, i didn't want them to leave me alone. i hid in the house until 7:30, when they finally came home. my dad left again, running more errands. i was getting angrier with him, why was he leaving me alone again? i left everything off the whole day... the t.v., the stereo, the computer. it was eerily silent, and the only things i could hear were the passing vehicles, and the birds singing in the trees. why was i being tortured so much?

i eased up by 10 p.m. they never came. my dog's still here, lying down under my feet, licking his paw. but i'd like to know. is this just an evil game they're playing with us? making us wait, until they're ready... or did they realize that meeko doesn't deserve to be taken away? i wish they would just stop it all. do one thing or the other before i lose my mind.

this is what my dog is... he's my sleeping beauty. he sleeps in my arms like a baby... i still believe he's a human trapped in a dog's body.

i know he's probably not going to be here much longer, knowing he's going to be gone forever. but they were supposed to take him today and he's still here. he's still right behind me wherever i go, and in my mind, he's always going to be right behind me.

so for now, that's what's keeping my sanity.

i came online and found two finished reviews. one of them was really good, and the other... just really pissed me off. i would have been fine with it any other time but right now is not the time to diss my diary. she's the first person in a LONG time that's complained about my diary. and not NEARLY to the extent that anyone else did. she complained about the butterflies not completely showing up on the sides. it's her computer because it shows up just fine for everyone else. she complained about the mouseover cursor, that it "didn't match". what the fuck am i supposed to use, a butterfly cursor? show me one! she complained about the high number of links, the color of the links. the way i wrote, everything. am i really that bad? fuck. any other day but today. at least it's giving me some hits... maybe other people like it, no matter what the hell she says!

i pulled a donna martin today too. today was the first time EVER that i lost a contact in the tub. ever. i was pissed cause i just popped in a fresh pair yesterday. i searched my eye like crazy looking for it... gone. so i put another one in, and it felt weird, but i thought nothing of it because i've been crying for the past 24 hours. and then while i was sitting at the computer, i was playing with my eye and it popped out oh so easily. i put it back in... "dammit this is annoying!" so i took it out, and low and behold... there's my other contact! only today.

melissa's going to get here tomorrow. i don't know how long i'm going to avoid her. i'm an emotional wreck and i don't want to go out and "have fun". i didn't even get up today until 9:30 p.m. i got out of bed and nearly blacked out. aunt flo couldn't have picked a better time to visit either.

i'm really looking forward to going to bed tonight. and waking up with my dog tomorrow.

he belongs here, nowhere else.

I'm wearing: pooh summer pj's
I'm listening to: only hope *mandy moore*
I'm thinking: my head's pounding like a son of a bitch