Psychopathology: hypervigilance
Enhanced state of sensory sensitivity accompanied by an exaggerated intensity of behaviors whose purpose it is to detect threats.

Hypervigilance
A person who is hypervigilant is extremely anxious and worried that something bad will happen. He/she therefore is excessively aware of his/her surroundings, so as to "catch" the harm that is approaching.

hy�per�vig�i�lance
n : the condition of maintaining an abnormal awareness of environmental stimuli; post-traumatic stress syndrome, marked by symptoms like frequent nightmares and repetitive anxiety dreams, insomnia, intrusive disturbing thoughts, and being easily startled.

And here I was, thinking I was eventually going to die from paranoia or something... I didn't even know there was a name for it until my counselor told me. I never cease to amaze that woman; not one session goes by without me causing her immense confusement and surprise. I see her every two weeks now, instead of one. I must be too complicated to fix, haha.

As for my dad, he's okay... for now. I don't think I'll ever stop worrying about him though. He'll be 62 in less than two weeks, and it's not like he's going to have a decent bill of health for much longer. I wish he'd go vegetarian, I think it would really do him some good. But I can't even get my testosterone-driven family to make sure they put the toilet seat back down, let alone get them to change their carniverous ways. I'm surprised I can even make vegetarian dishes and have my boys actually enjoy it. They'd do just about anything for my pasta bake, and my dad just bought me a set of two transparent-blue baking dishes. Who wouldn't want to make yummy food with blue baking dishes?!

I haven't mentioned the war. I'm not trying to deny that it's going on, I just don't want it plaguing my thoughts all the time. Since the first talk of it, I knew it was coming; I wish it wasn't, but I had the same feeling in my gut like I had when Princess Diana got into that crash. I was sitting on my bed and rearranging one of my shelves when I heard about Diana... and right then my mouth opened and I said "she's not going to make it". *I* didn't say it, not my conscious self anyway. It was no surprise to me when she died. Sometimes I wish I couldn't sense all this stuff; I don't think I'm even supposed to get those kinds of vibes, like how I can sense my dad coming home before he gets to the driveway, or how I know who's calling before their name shows up on our caller ID. And even worse, I hate feeling spirits, and I hate it even more when they decide to pick on me just to watch me squirm. (I swear there's a grader coming up and down our street every five minutes just to pile a crapload of hard snow into our driveway... jerk). Anyway, war. I'd say what I think of Bush, but I'm not too keen on using too many consecutive curse words. My thoughts go out to all the innocent people in Iraq who are praying for their lives and the people worried about their family out in Iraq. I have no idea what it must feel like... I live right on an air force base (that has low level flying no less), and just hearing a jet engine makes my heart nearly pound out of my chest. I don't like this at ALL. I'm not saying that the U.S. should have just laid back and taken any shit that the middle east gave them, but there are other options. I can't even watch T.V. in peace because at least every 2nd channel airs the war coverage. Maybe Bush should take a gander when they show tiny children confined in hospitals with injuries sustained from the bombing. Jerk.

I have the house to myself tomorrow. My brother's going to survival camp, my sister's still missing, and my dad will be at some conference or something all day. I won't be surprised if I sleep through the day and waste my precious quiet time.

I have to do some diary reviews before someone kicks my ass, I've had some addresses sitting in my browser for a good two weeks or so. Oops.

I'm wearing: Baby tee, stretchy flares, frog socks
I'm listening to: Monsters, Inc. is on in my room and Will and Grace is on in the living room
I'm thinking: Nothing in particular