i really don't know whether i should just hold up my white flag to the world or not. i just feel like giving up on everything.

so, damieon called me last night and explained our new nightmare. after our landlord explained that i was basically out of my lease and he would only be taking my damage deposit... he found out damieon was leaving too and he went psycho on us. yesterday afternoon (a day and a half before our rent was up) he gave damieon three hours to move out of the house and stated that whatever was left in the rooms would be dumped and his lawyer would be in contact with us. damieon said justin was gonna dump all the stuff i had left in my room, which is probably worth more than $2,000 and includes a lot of sentimental stuff as well.

and i freaked out. it's all that's been plaguing my mind ever since and it's definitely added to my stress level. i didn't know where the hell my stuff was or what had happened to it, i didn't know what kind of shit my landlord was gonna pull, nothing.

right now, i'm FINALLY talking to my other roomie and she says our landlord locked the door to my bedroom so there's no way to get to my stuff. i'm sort of relieved in a way because now i know he didn't go completely insane and dump my stuff. i'm also pretty sure he's not gonna take us to court. when i started thinking rationally, i realized it's going to cost him for a lawyer in the long run. i'm still stressing over the fact that i'm going to have to talk to him on the phone and get this whole thing straightened out. i'm far too sensitive and he's going to make me feel like shit.

and it's not like i planned on all of this. i went out there hoping to have a good school year, after the whole fiasco when i got hit by the car and all. all the stress i went through over that year... i wanted to make a fresh start and bounce back. i didn't think i was going to break, that i was going to need to come home and try counselling for the first time in my life. did i want to cut the lease off early? not at all, but it's not like it could have worked out if i was out here without a job to pay for an apartment that wouldn't even get used.

i still don't know who can take my stuff until i figure out what happens with it, and i'm still going to have to talk to justin so he'll let me get at it. oh, the stress.

kill me now.

I'm wearing: baby tee, flared cords, ladybug socks
I'm listening to: a commercial
I'm thinking: my hands are cold