i would have updated last night, only i fell asleep and missed the "festivities" of canada day...

well, i DID go to miranda's parade. the cadets started looking rather pathetic because the heat was just unbearable and they all started falling like dead flies. after the parade, we went inside the legion for refreshments and i saw no one other than justin. grr. i instantly averted my eyes and spotted my 1st grade teacher. i figured, "hell, why not get re-acquainted with her while ignoring my ex at the same time?", and went and said hi to her. she didn't recognize me at first, hell i wouldn't expect her to... it's been many years since she last saw me. but then a smile came on her face and she asked how i was. i told her what i was doing with my life, and i got caught up on hers and then we all sat together, my family and she. we ate together and had a few laughs. soon enough, justin was nowhere in sight. sigh. i also saw angel, my high school friend, and chatted with her a bit before leaving.

we went to the park afterwards, for canada day celebrations. it was hella boring... that's actually an understatement. i was just about to leave when we stopped by a consession stand, and who was standing behind it? hell, all i had to do was hear him talking... my dad started to ask me what i wanted to do, and i promptly yelled "i want to go!", before justin had any chance to motion for me to go over. i knew it was going to happen... he would invite me over and make me look like the bad guy in front of his friends. none of that for me please!

so we went to the beach instead. the water was unbelievably cold... i couldn't stay immersed in it for more than a few seconds. this little toddler could NOT stay away from me. i swear, kids are attracted to me in no describable way... why? i don't know. she imitated all my actions, and asked me about all my piercings. eventually, her mother called her out so they could go home, and i mostly stayed on the shore out of the cold water. another one of my exes came along, with his girlfriend and daughter (and a bunch of other teens) in tow. i doubt that he recognized me, which is all the better. by then, i was feeling quite antisocial and depressed and when krissy and HER daughter came along, and billy and his girlfriend... i just did not feel like interacting. i just sort of sat on the rocks by the water and sulked. i don't know what got me all down, i just didn't want to socialize anymore, i wanted to go home.

i wanted some grub on the way, so we stopped at a greasy restaurant. nicole was in there waiting for her order, so i talked to her for a bit. she'd asked me what happened to my arm (she was eyeing my surgery scars). i told her they were from my surgeries, in a bewildered sort of way (how'd she forget?). we didn't talk long because it was HOT and her son was waiting in the car.

i got home, ate, and then sulked in my room and fell asleep. but back to my opening statement, i missed the "festivities". the town lured everyone to the town park with promises of fireworks. a thunderstorm was looming, so they cancelled the rest of the night. "and by the way, there aren't going to be any fireworks because of the forest fire watch". what a bunch of jerks.

today was pretty much the same deal... we escaped to the beaches to find some comfort in the coolness coming off the water. dad drove us on all these overgrown back roads, it was actually quite fun. he took us to this site where a big barge had hit shore and sank. i went exploring the area, climbing the sides of the woods to find old trails. i also tried putting my feet in the water and nearly got pulled under in some quicksand.

i'm let down by the male population (yet again). the heat's been unbearable lately, so i've been dressing lightly. yesterday i wore a skin-tight tanktop and shorts, and today i wore a tight fancy-looking get up. both days, i've been ogled by men. not just a look-over, these guys were staring at me like a piece of meat. i don't think it would have made me any more uncomfortable if they'd started whistling and jeering. and today while i was in the store, one guy followed me all over the place like i was the first woman he'd ever laid eyes on. i don't care what the hell others will tell me... "you were asking for it by the way you dressed" or whatever other bullshit excuse they might give. just because i have tits and curves, it doesn't give anyone the right to treat me like property or some show. i'm just as human as anyone else and don't deserve to be degraded like that.

aunt flo fianlly showed up again... i swear, that's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me (besides aunt flo ever coming in the first place). why the hell does your body decide to put things like that on hold? is it your body telling you that something's not right? blah.

i've had muchmusic on constantly since i came home. i just CANNOT stand that much exposure to pop and degredation of the woman's body... but bif's new video's finally out and i'm determined to see it. at least i have the pleasure of keeping it on mute.

only four more days until i leave. where the hell is all the time going? i've not managed to get NEARLY half the stuff done that i said i was going to do. so much for me trying to be ready for my trip. it's all good though, i work best under pressure anyway.

and i think it's safe to say that it's practically impossible to find decent summer wadrobe in this crap town.

I'm wearing: fancy looking baby tee, slack-style capris
I'm listening to: on the radio *nelly furtado*
I'm thinking: this heat is going to be the death of me...