sorry it's been so long, but i haven't had much motivation at all for the internet.

my break's been pretty uneventful to say the least. i had told myself i would use this break to let go of all my responsibilites and have a great time for once. but guess what i've been doing? staying at home and doing my usual motherly duties. cooking, cleaning, taking care of my brother, sister, and dad. all the time while my mother acts like the world revloves around her and her beer.

i wish i could just lighten up and act my age sometimes, but i'm so pissed at my mother for forcing me to grow up so fast. it's like i don't even know how to have fun anymore.

one of my friends just broke up with her boyfriend, and all she wants to do is get loaded drunk and fool around with whoever she can find. while she may think it's soothing, all i want to do is keep her at my place and do something sensible, and stay as far away from alcohol as possible. when did i turn into some sort of mother? i don't believe in alcohol, or drugs, or cigarrettes, or caffeine, or going out and partying just to cover up problems. i don't believe in denying responsibilites, or pretending to be someone you're not. i don't believe in a lot of things, and sometimes i just wish i could be like most other 19 year-olds. the kind that just go out and have fun and not have to be a mother when she doesn't have to be. i want to just go out, forget about my family, not have to worry that the cops could be there when i get back... not have to worry about so many things.

but there's no way of doing that.

I'm wearing:
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