ugh, i hate it when everybody goes to bed... it makes me feel like a jerk for making typing noises. last night, i was online for SEVEN freaking hours. i was on the computer until 3 a.m.! a lot of it was me trying to get things straightened out with my tuition funding problem, and trying to get everything sorted out in that department. and looking for apartments, and finding things i shouldn't be finding... like my biological mother's e-mail address. it was just staring out at me from a random guestbook. i wrote it down, and i e-mailed her. just one sentence, and i only plan on using her for getting pictures of my cousins and such. it's crazy to think i have pictures of only two of my biological cousins, from when we were toddlers. but yeah, i sent her an e-mail and i hope this doesn't blow up in my face.

i'm leaving on monday. three days. someone please slap me in the face and wake me up from this daze. is this the same girl that was crying to get back to canada only a week into her vacation? miracles happen all the time.

i've been quite stressed these past few days... i haven't been getting any sleep. all this funding crap, i swear it's going to be the death of me. i don't know how my funding agency can do this to me, after all the crap i went through over the past year. there's an ever-growing fear in me that this won't work out and i won't be able to go to school this year. i really didn't even think of that as a possibility until a few days ago... it never even crossed my mind. i've got connections right? but the tuition payment deadline is one week away. i'm out here in frikkin europe and i still don't know how the hell i'm going to pay for everything because my funding agency has turned into a bunch of cunts. what if i can't pay my tuition in time and st. thomas doesn't let me in?

i don't even want to think about it.

i'm also wondering how the hell i'm going to fit all my stuff into my one bag when i leave. i'm not selfish at all... i only bought myself two cd's that were on sale and some pretty stationery stuff (oh how i'm addicted to stationery). but i got some stuff for friends and family, and then my family out here kept giving me stuff for everyone. usually we (as in my nuclear family) stays with my uncle andy, and he ALWAYS has a bunch of bags and stuff he can give us for extra crap... one time we came home with 11 bags and suitcases, and two carry-ons EACH. we're packrats, no? but anyway, i'm with carina, and they need their bags. maybe i can cram everything into my bag, but i have a lot of fragile stuff and i don't know if that's such a good idea. ugh, always something to worry about!

anyway, lo's keeping me busy on msn and i have to pee, so i'll leave it at that.

trust me, you don't want to learn too much about my twisted mind.

I'm wearing: baby tee, shorts
I'm listening to: a techno station on winamp
I'm thinking: i really should learn more about computers...