wow, it's been a while, huh? well, all top priority (ie. have to do)school-related things can be temporarily forgotten about for a day or two, so i can try to relax again.

i just finished a test... it's a make-up for a make-up (didn't make it to the first one), and i feel confident in the fact that i did better than the last time. of course, actually opening up my book and studying will probably help me immensely. but you know what? i don't know how to study. seriously. i never had to study in school... as long as i did my work in class and paid attention to the lectures (and depended on my photographic memory), i did quite fine. i even managed to do the same while i was in college last year! don't ask me how... but i think two words will sum the whole thing up: community college. so, here i am, in university, with 100% responsibility thrust upon my poor, ignorant shoulders. i actually called melissa last night and asked her how a person would go about to study. she responded with a hesitant "really?" and then tried to help me. i even asked my roommate and she looked at me like i had ten heads. is it so bad that a university student doesn't know how to study? if anyone has any strategies, feel free to e-mail them to me.

i've also completely given up on german. i let myself drown in that course, and there's no way i can fix things. i missed four important classes after i got hit by the car, and let myself goof off afterwards... therefore, i missed the three exams, and most of the classes. i e-mailed my prof to try and justify my actions, but i got no pity and now there's no way i can save myself. i think i'm going to stop with the classes, as they've gotten far too advanced for me, and i don't have any time to catch up on it all. why the hell couldn't my dad teach me german? it's his native tongue! my mother didn't bother teaching me hers either... you'd figure with three languages between two parents, you'd teach your kid at least two of them. dammit.

and my stomach isn't being too co-operative either. i think it's been about a week post-vegetarianism, and it still feels like yesterday. my system doesn't have a clue how to deal with all the new enzymes and proteins and acids and stuff, and my stomach cramps up after about a � cup of food, and only about half of that is meat. white meat to make it even worse, i'm too scared to try red meat yet. so, somehow i'm going to have to figure out how to force my system back into omnivorian remission, or i go back to veggies. meat grosses me out anyway. so much for trying to somewhat fix my brain.

as for the homefront... i've been talking to my dad a lot lately, moreso than usual. i don't know why it took so long for me to get homesick, but after seven months it's finally set in. i told my dad that i wanted to go home after i got hit by the car, and he told me he was proud that i stayed out here to finish off the brand-new semester. little did he know that i was crying inside, crying to go home, to everything i've ever known. i seriously contemplated going home mid-semester. tomorrow even, if i could have. but you know what? there's no way i can dump a $10,000+ bill on my head and hope for the best. besides, it's only 45 days, but who's counting? in all reality, i don't know how i'm going to pull off a month and a half of this. every night, my mind is consumed with the hellhole i call home... i need it. i'd love to say that i can pull through this semester like a little trooper, but i don't know if i can. i want to go home.

is that too much to ask for?

I'm wearing:
I'm listening to:
I'm thinking: